One of the hard fast rules of friendship is never dating the same person as your friend. Everyone knows that the outcome only brings heart break for everyone involved. There is another rule that is slightly less known and unfortunately I learned the hard way. That rule is not to apply for the same job as your friend.
I didn’t even realize my best friend was looking for jobs when I started my interview process. I couldn’t wait to tell her that I got an interview with an awesome company. Turns out she had an interview with the same company! How amazing, they had two openings and it was perfect, we could work together again.
We studied and shared our tips and ideas with each other. It was both bonding and competitive at the same time, which brought up some strange feelings for us both. We didn’t entertain any negative outcomes, only the possibility of being able to work with each other again. Alas the interviews were extremely hard and we both bombed them, but "c'est la vie" we bonded over the brutal fail we both experienced.
Back to our respective job searches again. This time with some interview experience and the knowledge of what materials to study. I landed an interview with another amazing company that I was “Crazy Excited” about. I found out that they were hiring multiple developers as well. The recruiter asked if I knew anyone who was looking for a developer role. Of course I did!
The sad part is that it was equally as heartbreaking for her. This was her big break, she earned it. Yet here she was starting a new job, needing a friend, and I couldn’t be there. The guilt she felt for taking the job, and choosing a job over a friend ate her up inside too.
There was no winner only heartbreak.
It took a long for me to get out of the dark place I was in. I tried to be a good friend to her but the anger and jealousy were eating me up inside. I told her I needed some space to heal but that l I was happy for her and she deserved this (which she truly did). I stopped calling and texting her for a while.
A while turned into weeks and then months and pretty soon I had completely cut her out of my life because I just couldn’t handle my own pain of rejection, betrayal, and jealousy.
The one thing that I did right is that I never gave up! Even though I desperately wanted to. I kept studying and learning diligently. I reviewed every interview question I had failed and practiced coding it until I could code them all in my sleep. I finally felt good enough to start submitting resumes again and that’s when things fell right into place. I found the company where I truly belonged. The job search worked out in the end but at the cost of my friendship.
Almost half a year later my friend reached out to me and we began to heal. Our friendship was so much more valuable than our jobs. It took awhile and by some miracle we made it though.
The craziest part is that every time I hear about her job- “the one that got away” I realize what a horrible fit it would have been for me. She was perfect for it, and my role was perfect for me. The moral of the story - DON’T under any circumstances apply for the same job as a friend. If you value your friendship, find another job to apply for. It’s just not worth it!
Jobs will come and go but you will never find another friend just like them. So save yourself the heartache of competing against a friend.